Coaches Coach

Last year, ESPN looked foolish as hell when they rearranged their whole Monday Night Football schedule around Brett Favre’s number retirement in Green Bay.  They had plans to send the whole network out to Wisconsin.  They were going to make this the biggest and best MNF season debut ever on the back of a tearful ceremony starring their favorite working class, blue collar quarterback.

Only problem?  He no-showed.  Because he is a player and players play football until they can no longer move.

Fare Thee Well, Tony Dungy

Those aren't glares - they're halos.

I was in class when I saw this and couldn’t post it up as quickly as I’d have liked, but my Colts are officially in a coaching transition as Tony Dungy has stepped down to focus on – what else? – faith and family.  Thanks for the ring, Coach.  Now go rescue some troubled youths from those dirty streets of Naptown.

The Internet Is Your Playground: Psychotic, Lying, Whoring, Still Going to Clubs at Her Age, Skank Edition

• That image is not of Ebola or HIV/AIDS or even Africanized honey bees.  No, it’s a much more devastating plague of low wages prices that has spread insatiably from Arkansas through the rest of the country:  Wal-Mart.  Check the animation for some real epidemiology.  [via Gizmodo]
• Step 1:  stupid misogynist asshat blogger anonymously writs nasty things about a model.  Step 2:  said model takes offense.  Step 3:  model sues Google in order to find identity of stupid misogynist asshat blogger.  I don’t know exactly where the profit comes in.  [The Big Money]
• Of course, as soon as I say something about ESPN’s effective monopoly on teevee sports, in comes the cable monopolist, wanting a piece of that action.  [Sports by Brooks via Deadspin]
• And finally, another to add onto the pile of stupid tattoos that will be regretted later.  [Deadspin]

Gimmicky Much?

Like many who spend significant time in the tubes and in front of the tube, I have a love-hate relationship with the WWL.  They are essentially a monopoly provider of sports television, and honestly their production values are some of the best, if you’re into bells and whistles.  But they love them some gimmicks.  Just to name a few, there’s “Who’s Now?”, “Best Sports City”, Chris Berman, and now tonight’s switcheroo, where the network’s top NBA announcing crew will go to Durham for tonight’s Stephen Curry Davidson-Duke matchup, leaving the NCAA commentators to the NBA game in Denver.

Big reveal and more after the jump.  God, it’s been a long time since I said that…

Lost In The Tubes: Cheap Burgers Edition

• Good Stuff Eatery, the new burger joint on Capitol Hill owned by former Top Chef contestant Spike Mendelsohn opened recently.  Here’s a story about the opening festivities and we’ll have a review of the food (check out the super-reasonably priced menu at their website) as soon as we can get over there. [DCist]
• Momma’s who want their kids to be president, listen up: no rape jokes.  Really.  Just get that point across, because they come back to haunt you.  Even if you used the joke 22 years ago.  Oh, and let’s not forget that it is relevant in 2008, because McCain is still an asshole who makes rape jokes.[Wonkette]
• On a lighter note, Billy Packer has already found a new job! (ish) [Tirico Suave]
• Liz, the new blogger at why.i.hate.dc is doing a great job so far.  Check out her work. [why.i.hate.dc]
• There’s a whole mess in Philadelphia sports right now because Chase Utley was unimpressed when the New York fans booed him.  NY Tabloids are calling him out and everyone is making a bigger deal out of it than it is.  Here’s a great and interesting recap of the whole deal. [The 700 Level]

Culturegeist 911: Liberal Beejays

This could not wait.  This is a Culturegeist 911.

I love minor league baseball.  I love the wacky promotions and the silly names.  One day, I’ll do a post about this, including some links to Darren Rovell’s page at CNBC where he hands out awards for some of the best and most absurd minor league shenanigans.  But for the moment, we have to talk about this:

The Liberal Beejays.  Really.  A member of the Jayhawk Conference in the National Baseball Congress, the Beejays (pause for laughter) play semiprofessional baseball in the great state of Kansas.

Hunter Pence, Rich Harden, and Troy Percival have all been Beejays.

This is priceless.

Thanks to Tirico Suave for bringing this amazingnes to our attention.

The Internet Is Your Playground: BRAINS!! Edition

• Want to scare your neighbors?  Keep those goldurn kids off your lawn?  Maybe even frighten off that pesky groundhog?  Boy have we got the thing for you!  (Caution:  may require occasional feedings involving human flesh and grey matter.)  [Gizmodo]

• Speaking of the walking dead, ladies and gentlemen, your Washington National Baseball Club!  [Bugs & Cranks]
• And while we’re on the topic… so long, Billy Packer.  [Deadspin]
• And for those still among the living who would like to get a fix to maybe feel like a zombie for a while, just listen for the happy music.  (Seriously, though, I’ve been making the joke that the ice cream trucks in the neighborhood around RFK are dealing for a while now, and I’ve heard real stories of this happening elsewhere.  Nobody should be surprised – it’s kind of a great cover, until it isn’t anymore.)  [DCist]
• And for anybody who’s convinced the apocalypse will come from climate change, and not something sensible (like zombies), here’s something for you.  [Capital Weather Gang]

Just for good measure, because no discussion of zombies is complete without it.  A special bunch of videos after the jump.

The Internet Is Your Playground: Paralympic Doping Edition

We have a big week planned for Culturegeist: a couple of new running features, a Movie Madness for Hellboy II, and lots of links to interesting, fun, and funny goodness.  Yes, you heard me right… actual content this week!  With words!  But first, here’s some links to start the week off right and avoid that case of the Mondays:

• USADA caught of a couple of track and field athletes doping… at the Paralympics.  Luckily, I am slow of wit and unable to get myself in trouble making fun of this story. [International Herald Tribune]
• The New Yorker has an interesting piece on how Chicago influenced Obama.  Unfortunately, the editors thought it would be a great idea to put a cartoon of the Obamas as machine gun toting, flag burning Muslims on the cover of the issue… so there’s that too. [New Yoker article here, the cover here via the NYT Politics Blog, and The Carpetbagger Report on the campagins' reactions here]
• Good news, bad news in D.C.  Another gunman in Adam’s Morgan this weekend: bad news.  Witnesses ran him down and the police caught him: good news, such as it is. [NBC4]
• Apparently product placement is bothering the FCC so much that it is considering regulating the practice.  One idea includes disclaimers… which, by my count, will draw attention to the product placement and only make it more effective.  Right? [Gawker]
• Advice for Elton Brand from Allen Iverson and Charles Barkley, a couple of players who know what it’s like to deal with Philly fans. [The 700 Level]

The Internet Is Your Playground: Awkward to Hyper-Awkward Edition

• Ted Stevens is in the tubes!  Look out! [Wonkette]
• The iPhone 3G comes out today and you can expect Gizmodo to be on the news all day.  Luckily… because I don’t know what we’d do without thrice-hourly updates on the iPhone release. [Gizmodo]
• Phil Mickelson’s obscenely extravagant house is for sale.  There are two guest houses, a spa, and all the left-handed scissors you could ever need. [Deadspin]
• NFL Rookies + Showtunes = Hilarity.  Make it the cast of Oklahoma! and it gets even better.  Super awkward (and hilarious) video at the link. [KSK]
• And in our “Ugh, really?” Story of the Day: Bush regales the G8 summit with jokes about his poor record on the environment.  Ugh, really? [The Carpetbagger Report]

The Internet Is Your Playground: Tattoo’d on the Couch Edition

I’ve got a trip for work, so I’m likely out for the weekend, which means I won’t have a Weekending… post up tomorrow.  Suffice it to say that one of the (few) great international club soccer rivalries involving an American team renews itself Saturday night as your D.C. United play host to CD Guadalajara, better known as Chivas – the Goats.  I’ll see you kids Monday – here’s your Playground.

• Let’s keep the self-reference going from a couple days ago.  I’m planning on getting a tattoo this summer – thankfully I wasn’t considering any of these designs.  Wouldn’t that have been embarrassing?  [Radar Online - shout out to AL]
• And speaking of embarrassing… what a way to die.  Death by Couch.  [Reuters - shout out to Ms. Kelley]
• And back to the self-reference.  (What?  We’re a blog – it’s in the job description.)  The week I finally cave and buy a Mac, out leaks photos of the next edition.  Every bleeping time.  [AppleInsider]
• With all the important matters facing the District, from schools to transit and everything in between, perhaps the greatest question is this:  Are we a town or a city, anyway?  [DCist]
• I’ve never been to Yankee Stadium.  I’m doing my best to rectify that this summer, before it’s too late.  If you manage to make it up there, think about following Rick Reilly’s lead… if there’s anything left to pilfer, that is.  [ESPN The Magazine]

The Internet Is Your Playground: Don’t Call It A Comeback Edition

• So, a comedian, a politician, and a wrestler walk into a Senate race… looks like Jesse Ventura is running after all. [Wonkette]
• The KSK guys are huge Judith Light fans. Really. [KSK]
• After moving Rodney Carney and Calvin Booth to make cap room, Elton Brand is a Sixer!  The city of Philadelphia is happy, but I’d imagine that Baron Davis is a bit pissed. [ESPN via The 700 Level]
• If you are into jazz, there is a ton of stuff going on this week in the D.C. area. [DCist]
• And today’s Bill Simmons Real World Story of the Year: Kevin from Season One is running for Congress!  The United States Congress!  The one in D.C.! (Yes, those are horses you hear behind you, and, yes, Death, Pestilence, Famine, and War are riding them.) [Gawker]

Lost in the Tubes: Footballs Are Soccer Balls Edition

• I can’t believe I’m posting to a Chicago Fire blog with United playing those evil men in red tonight in U.S. Open Cup play, but when I see that you posted links to your top 20 soccer commercials all time, I just can’t help myself.  [The Red Card]
• This bit is a little bit old, and it’s managed to slip through about 3 days worth of links.  Don’t say Culturegeist never did anything for you, at least not after you give this to your 80s-TV-obsessed cousin for his birthday.  Or your brother, who loved Boy Meets World.  [NYT]
• Personally, I’d rather see nuclear rule the power landscape here like it does in France.  (Yeah, I said it.)  That said, I’m all about diversity, and wind power definitely has its place.  [CNN]
• Okay, must appease Juice with this joke… New York Magazine.  Will Leitch.  Giant inflatable garbage bags on the streets.  Um… sex with man-leggings!  [via Urban Prankster]
• And because we’re nothing if not self-referential here at Culturegeist, here’s a link to a post about the shiny new entry level DSLR Canon is unleashing next month.  Having been looking to break into the whole “taking pictures with a nice camera” thing for a while now, I, for one, can’t wait.  [Machochip]

The Internet Is Your Playground: Choking on Footballs Edition

• This is as funny as any link we will ever post on Culturegeist, in my humble opinion.  I won’t tell you what’s on the other side of it, but I promise it’s safe for work and it has no volume… until you start laughing. [USA Today]
• This guy will be the first person on the planet with an iPhone 3G.  That either makes him very cool or absolutely, tragically not at all cool.  I’ll let you decide. [Gizmodo]
• Last night, Adam Eaton sucked for the Phillies.  Just ask him. [The 700 Level]
• You know the whole pay-what-you-want thing for music that’s doing so well for artists like NIN and Radiohead?  Let’s just say Oasis isn’t on that bandwagon and Noel Gallagher has strong thoughts on the issue.  (I’m sure you’re all shocked.) [NME via OhNoTheyDidn’t]
• A few months ago, a friend and I were talking about NBA free agency.  He said the Sixers should go after Elton Brand.  I agreed, but said that there was no way it would work out for cap reasons and, frankly, why the hell would Brand want to play in Philly?  Well, then the Sixers had a mini-resurrection, made a plan to clear cap space, and now they think Brand might sign. [ESPN]
• And one more serious note… Sometimes we take that whole First Amendment thing for granted… and then we read a story about political bloggers in Egypt being tortured and killed. Ugh. [Daily KOS]

The Internet Is Your Playground: Nobel Terrorists Edition

• Good news! Nelson Mandela is no longer a terrorist! What? He has a Nobel Peace Prize? Surely, the Nobel should come with a medal, some prize money… and removal from the terrorist watch list… but apparently we’re just getting around to that. [CNN]
• There’s a debate about home schooling in California and everyone is blaming… each other. The Hometown Tourist takes a look at the debate. [Hometown Tourist]
• Capitals updates! Mike Green will be staying with the team and, with Huet gone, the Caps picked up a new netminder, Jose Theodore. [Off Wing Opinion and ESPN]
• Sex! War! Scandal! CBS promoted Lara Logan to Chief Foreign Affairs correspondent, which is nice… except that she had sex, which is apparently a problem. A link to double standards and sexy war zones! [Gawker]
• Let’s end this shockingly serious collection of links (depending upon what you think of hockey) with a story about Bret Myers trying to get his season back on track by accepting a demotion to triple-A. He had the right to refuse the transfer, but he’s been terrible and he knows it. [The Fightins']

Lost in the Tubes: Crazy, Crazy Europe Edition

• Time for big words:  ruminations on the relative importance and idiosyncrities of international football, especially the increasing prevelance of naturalized citizens playing for national teams.  Also:  Viva España!  [Washington Post]
• And speaking of the Continent… we all know mullets are all the rage.  A little weird, but whatever.  Chicks still dig Christiano Ronaldo.  Man-purses?  Fine – I carry a lot of stuff, and sometimes a backpack is just too bulky.  But leggings for dudes?  Seriously?  (Note:  I do not, in fact, carry a man-purse.) [New York Magazine]
• Sticking to Europe, we’ve all heard of CERN’s Large Hadron Collider… Right?  Worlds largest particle accelerator?  Anybody?  Okay, so it’s this big thing in Europe that a couple guys think might destroy all existence in the universe as we know it.  Scientists aren’t worried – they flip the switch later this summer.  Personally, I’ll take the side of the scientists.  That way, if I turn out to be wrong, there’s nobody around to say “told you so.”  [Slate]
• Speaking of the end of the world, is anybody else glad that we made it through the month of June?  For a while there, there were enough storms that it seemed like the End Times.  Well, maybe not the Apocalypse, but certainly there were a lot of storms last month.  [Capital Weather Gang]
• At long last, a city realizes that good architecture is more important than “starchitecture.”  Way to be, Beantown!  [Greater Greater Washington]
• And turning to politics, this was supposed to be the campaign where John McCain made sure the discourse was about issues, and not attacks on the opposing candidate.  Apparently John McCain didn’t get the memo.  [The Carpetbagger Report]