A tongue-in-cheek list of the 50 most loathsome people in America, including the evidence against them and the punishment society should give them for their crimes?  Sign me up.  Any list that groups Michele Bachmann, M. Night Shyamalan, and Barack Obama together at the bottom of the list deserves at least a shot.

Thanks to Wonkette for passign along this link this morning.  I needed to share it with our faithful reader(s?), even though I’m sure that the Venn diagram of our readers and Wonkette readers looks like a dinner plate. [The BEAST via Wonkette]

Last year, ESPN looked foolish as hell when they rearranged their whole Monday Night Football schedule around Brett Favre’s number retirement in Green Bay.  They had plans to send the whole network out to Wisconsin.  They were going to make this the biggest and best MNF season debut ever on the back of a tearful ceremony starring their favorite working class, blue collar quarterback.

Only problem?  He no-showed.  Because he is a player and players play football until they can no longer move.

ESPN (and FoxSports) are at it again now.  The thought is that Tony Dungy’s retirement is an event that requires both retrospectives on a fabulous career and shining praise for his next career, whatever that may be – we just know that it’s supposed to be really good.

Well, I respect Dungy to no end, and I would never disrespect him (lest The AMT kill me with his bare hands), but coaches coach.  Maybe Dungy is different, but Parcells came back, Ditka came back, Vermeil came back.  And those guys “retired,” as opposed to the Cowher-style “break.”  Coaches live and breathe football 24 hours a day for their whole lives.  Dungy has been a head coach for 13 seasons.  Would it be that surprising if he missed the only lifestyle he’s known for more than a decade?

No, it wouldn’t.  Coaches coach and unemployed coaches want to coach.  Very few successfully ride off into the sunset.  Maybe Dungy will, but in either case: shouldn’t ESPN and Fox be a little more tentative about praising Dungy’s next career that hasn’t even happened yet?  Especially given the history that coaches have of coming back and the recent tendency of big names to unretire…

So when Dungy is coaching the Bears in a few years and ESPN, Fox, and others report the story as “Dungy’s Back!”… try to remember how they reported his retirement too, because they certainly won’t want to talk about it.

Steps to a carjacking FAIL:

1. Carjack somebody, taking victim’s cell phone with you.
2. Receive text message from victim’s friends, explaining they are partying with naked chicks and drugs.
3. Text back your current location; wait for girls & drugs.
4. Try explaining things to the cops when they arrive.
5. FAIL.

[Via Gizmodo]

Wait - it's 2009... people still go to Hooters??

When douchers sue Hooters, nobody wins.  Three guys, looking for a paycheck, got the clever idea to file a class action against Hooters, because the restaurant chain – get this – refused to hire them as waiters.  The plaintiffs want emotional damages resulting from the sexual discrimination.

Now, I’m no fan of Hooters’ employment practices, and the place is nothing if not trashy.  But, to take a page from Seth and Amy… really, guys?  Really?  You want to be servers at a place called “Hooters”?  Really?  You think you should be objectified and ogled by dudes drinking beer?  Really?  You really want to flirt with male patrons?  How about that.  Really?

I mean, if these guys do want to flirt with dudes ogling them, more power to ‘em – maybe hooters can change it up for a new demo and earn some points for progressive policies, but somehow, I think these scumbags plaintiffs are in it for an easy buck.  [Via Jezebel]

Update: While I was writing this post, in comes word from Hooters that this is hardly a novel idea, and they’ve beaten similar raps before.  They won’t hire men to be objectified, dammit, and the law can’t make them!

Those aren't glares - they're halos.

I was in class when I saw this and couldn’t post it up as quickly as I’d have liked, but my Colts are officially in a coaching transition as Tony Dungy has stepped down to focus on – what else? – faith and family.  Thanks for the ring, Coach.  Now go rescue some troubled youths from those dirty streets of Naptown.

Via WaPo:  Well, kids, the rumor was true, and the Boss will be playing somewhere in the immediate vicinity of the Lincoln Memorial on Sunday, along with a crazy lineup of pinko-commie-Islamofascist-fake-America-lib’ral-leftist artists.  Start time is T.B.D. 2 p.m., and it’ll show on HBO from 7 to 9 that night.   The performers list includes the likes of:

Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Bono, Garth Brooks, Sheryl Crow, Renee Fleming, Josh Groban, Herbie Hancock, Heather Headley, John Legend, Jennifer Nettles, John Mellencamp, Usher, Shakira, Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, will.i.am and Stevie Wonder. …

Jamie Foxx, Martin Luther King III, Queen Latifah and Denzel Washington will be among those reading historical passages. The Rev. V. Gene Robinson will give the invocation.

I know where I’m spending my Sunday afternoon.  I’ll hopefully have some pictures up this time next week, when – oh yeah – I’ll be getting dressed for a little shindig at the Air & Space Museum.  Gonna be an awesome weekend.

From AL and via Jezebel:  Are you a lady who’s recently lost her virginity?  Do you expect to be?  Then boy have we got the read for you!  Direct from 1965, Found Objects brings you The Recently Deflowered Girl, a very nice little (parody) etiquitte guide to the confused, but glowing, young woman.

Via Yglesias:  Define irony?  Making this videoabout New Media Douchebags and putting it on YouTube, mayhaps?  Kind of great it comes out the day I’m sitting around trying this blogging thing out again…

Via DCist:  HBO is taping airing (presumably live) the Opening Celebration for the 56th Presidential Inaugural on Sunday January 18.  Rumor is that Springsteen will be headlining, but given that HBO is onboard, even if the Boss skips out, you can bet somebody good will be there.  And did I mention that the concert will be on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial?  How do you spell badass?

• That image is not of Ebola or HIV/AIDS or even Africanized honey bees.  No, it’s a much more devastating plague of low wages prices that has spread insatiably from Arkansas through the rest of the country:  Wal-Mart.  Check the animation for some real epidemiology.  [via Gizmodo]
• Step 1:  stupid misogynist asshat blogger anonymously writs nasty things about a model.  Step 2:  said model takes offense.  Step 3:  model sues Google in order to find identity of stupid misogynist asshat blogger.  I don’t know exactly where the profit comes in.  [The Big Money]
• Of course, as soon as I say something about ESPN’s effective monopoly on teevee sports, in comes the cable monopolist, wanting a piece of that action.  [Sports by Brooks via Deadspin]
• And finally, another to add onto the pile of stupid tattoos that will be regretted later.  [Deadspin]